Friday, December 30, 2011

It started out as a "get away"  As in - I want to get away from home and stay away until home looks like it should.  Home is all 6 if us there.  All 4 of my children, HOME,  right where they belong.  But... for a few days, where they belong is not where they are.   They are away and SO... My sweet Patrick planned a tritp to take the "rest of us" out of town so what we could be away from what is normal as well.  He wanted to take us somewhere new, where we could experience fun hikes, beautiful scenery, and continue the collection of stamps in our passport books. Also take us to a place that would distract this mama.  If only that were possible.... I have loved our vacation, but my heart swings between guilt and happiness, vascilates between satisfaction and emptiness, relaxes with less all the while wanting more.  The loneliness for my older two is only comforted by the company of my younger two.  My heart is big enough to love all 4, no matter where they are.  How else does this mama drive down a Utah freeway, enjoying the beauty and noise around her while her heart also drives down a Colorado highway towards hometown, hoping that blankies and such weren't left behind in a mountain cabin.  I try to stay present with my smaller family, and still can't wait until I can share all that we have done with the WHOLE family.  Will they feel left out??   Will they want to know where we have been and what we have done??  Will our pictures matter to them?  Will they care asbout videos that star their younger siblings and not them? Today, little sister drew a picture for her 2 big sisters.  "I want to show them what we saw yesterday", she says.  "I know," I empathize.   "I miss them too".  And in a few days, we will conferge will all of our expeiences and we will have show and tell and we will reconect.  Our snuggles will be tigheter, our patience for one-another's imperfections will be greater.  And truthfully, I just can't wait for all of the noise.  I'm so grateful for a husband who understands and provides.  I am blessed to be known and to be loved.       

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


It wasn't like it was a weekend to go nuts over, BUT nuts I went!!  
The agenda held events that we did as a family, AND an overnight date for me and my man, where we dressed up and had a few minutes to ourselves.

A piano recital and some Christmas caroling, ice skating and party going, 

Christmas movies, sparkly drinks and family slumber parties.  
Every moment fit together to make a holiday picture worth remembering.  

We are 5 days from Christmas, we have 2 days left of school and I have about 8 more little odds and ends to wrap up before I completely finish my to-do list.  
We have one more concert, one performance on Christmas Eve, and one birthday to round out this twelfth month of 2011.   
December has been busy, but we have found Joy in the activity of this season.
Joy is what we try to pursue here around our house.  
As we chase it down and grab onto the moments that fit the Joy-bill, 
stuffing memories into our pockets, I am reminded 
that the effort is always worth it.  

Going after Joy in the midst everything else that goes on in our lives 
isn't always easy or convenient, 
but I am always glad 
when I make an attempt at Joy; when I make a conscious effort
to celebrate, notice, remember, and delight in the things that are going on around me.  

I always know that the Giver of all Joy is right there, ready to add the finishing touches, 
the perfecting touches to any effort that I put forth.  
He takes what little I have to give and makes it into something beautiful.
I herald with the angels...
"Glory to God in the highest!!"

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


Sometimes I forget...

  • how blessed I am
  • what being "really tired" REALLY felt like
  • what using both of my hands feels like
  • that the petty stuff doesn't really matter
  • what a hot summer day feels like
  • that I need to take a deep breath
  • that even I need new undies
  • that an "I'm sorry" goes a long way   
  • how fast the Christmas season goes by
  •  how quickly time passes
  • how fast clothes get wrinkled
  • how amazing a long friendship is
  • how sad being alone was
  • how lovely the sand feels between my toes
  • how little the mess matters
  • the last time I stopped worrying was
  • what being relaxed feels like
  • what an empty heart really felt like
  • how kind people are
  • how lovely life can be when I focus on all of the good!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Two weeks ago, I was innocently volunteering in the library at my kids' school.  This time spent in the library is enjoyable to me, and you'd think it would br pretty harmless. UNTIL... duh, duh, duh...

a few books started to fall and I proceeded to catch them. Then - SNAP - pain, and now I have a wrist that is in a cast.  I am trying to make some lemonade with these enormous lemons.  I've been taking it pretty easy, relying on my sweet hubby, my wonderful kiddos, friends and family to help out in all of my daily tasks.  I can do a lot, just limited; I am more than aware that there are folks out there who are in much dire sraits than I am. This is just my plight for now. 

I have been drinking tea.  Typically I dont like hot tea, but I have a new fav! To add insult to my injury, I came down with a stomach bug the past few days, and my usual coffee craving just sounded gross! One of my sweet friends brought this to me, and it just hit the spot.

 Im reading this right now. I love having a good Chrismas book to read at this time of year.
On Saturday I was given the privilege of being the maid of honor at my friend's wedding.  The Tuesday prior to the wedding, I hosted a shower for her.  My house was so full of love that night! I dont have a fancy house and was a little intimidated about 20 people arriving, but the size and quality of my home was not the focus of the shower.   Go figure!! I stress myself out about the dumbest things. My house is a gift.  Literally.  Years ago, my house was going into foreclosure. It was a desperate situation.  A wonderful, generous, compassionate couple saved my house and gave me the money that I needed to rescue it.  It was an enormous miracle, and I remind myself often that my house is a gift.  The night of the shower, after I recognized my foolish heart, I was able to simply enjoy having Polly's wonderful family and friends here.  My kids loved it too,  They absolutely adore it when I start getting the house ready for a party. They helped me move furniture around and get food prepped. 
It was such a wonderful weekend to celebrate my precious friend.

Last Sunday afternoon we made our anual trek up to the mountains to find our perfect Christmas tree.  We couldnt have asked for a better afternoon! The experience was freezing cold yet magical!!
The house is now all decorated, the gifts are slowly being delivered,  the holiday spirit is brewing.  We listen to our favorite Christmas music wherever we are at.
Everyone has their favorite tune,  and it is the background noise to everything that we do.
The girls are preparing for their piano recital where they will rock their
own tunes on the piano in a week. 

Holidays and Family. They go hand in hand. Now, Im just going to have to try to figure
out how to wrap gifts with only one hand!  It might be a gift bag type of year!!