Tomorrow will mark my 18th Mother's Day. My first thought after child number one was born was, “We're going to have so much fun!”. Three more children and a bunch of fun later, I have arrived at a Mother's Day that looks differently than I had imagined it would some 18 years ago, yet I am grateful and humbled by the blessings that have been poured out on my life because I get to be a mom. Being a mom doesn't make me a more superior creature than those who haven't chosen to be a mom. It just so happens that motherhood is what God decided to use to continually sanctify and purify my heart, soul, and mind. He has asked me to be more patient, through motherhood. He has challenged me to die to myself, through motherhood. He has encouraged me to surrender to His authority, through motherhood. He has tethered my mother-fears to His sovereignty. He has taught me to trust in His goodness, through motherhood. He has taught me to love unconditionally, through motherhood. He has carried me through seasons of grief and times of sadness, because of motherhood. He has revealed my sin and selfishness, through motherhood. He helps me with my control issues, through motherhood. He has blessed me with joy beyond description, through motherhood. He has taken me on adventures, through motherhood. He has given me the opportunity to feel enormous pride in the successes of others, through motherhood. He has allowed me to be overwhelmed with delight and overcome with frustration, through motherhood. He has given me 4 disciples to raise to love Him with all that they are, because He chose ME to be their mom.
Before I arrived at motherhood, I believed that hard things were bad things, so I steered clear of challenges, hugging the inside curve of the easy path. However, once I heard the first cry of my oldest daughter, I knew that my heart was forever destined to love intensely, always thinking about someone else's needs before my own. At that first-cry-moment, I took a sharp left turn onto a road unlike another I had ever been on: a road that would curve sharply, detour often, and twist and turn like a winding river. All of a sudden, I knew for sure that I would lay down my life for another person, that I would give up sleep, sanity, and security in order to care for my kids. What I didn't know is that I would take on enemies and circumstances that were bigger than me in order to protect them. I had no idea that I would enter courtrooms and classrooms, ready to fight for their well-being, or sit on a sideline or in an audience, fiercely believing that MY KID was the best player/dancer/singer in the bunch. And through it all, God has been so good to care for this fearful, exhausted, imperfect, faith-filled, stubborn, head-over-heels-in-love with her children mom. My mom-confidence does not come from anything that I can do on my own, it lies in the fact that God will never change; that He will be with me for the next decade, and the decade after that, and the one after that. Because He gave me the privilege of motherhood, I know that He will equip me and sustain me to be the mom that each one of my kids needs, whether the road is hard and difficult or easy and smooth. That's motherhood! A journey of expected challenges and unexpected joys. One that has changed, grown and blessed me in countless ways.