Tuesday, October 6, 2015


I'm reading a book right now called "Rising Strong".  So far it's been a fantastic book, filled with encouragement and insight.  Of course it's good, it's by Brene Brown who tends to write as if she has just finished reading my personal journal, offering solutions to every negative or destructive thought I've had throughout the day.  A strange thing happened while I was reading the other day.  The previous night did not offer much quality sleep so I was tired and my clarity of thought was feeble as I was turning pages, but every time I read the word "fall" my tired eyes and brain changed the word to "fail".  What the what?? This book was about getting back up strong after a fall, not about failing!  As I have mulled over my crazy word exchange, I feel as if I have peeked deep into my soul at one of my biggest fears.  The fear of failing.  Interestingly enough, I don't fear falling.  I expect falling and I have a pretty good track record of dusting myself off and getting back up.  But FAILING?  Well now, thats just unacceptable.  And what's the difference?  Well, it seems like I attach failing with my intentions, and I see falling related more to something unexpected happening.  If I'm unprepared for something and I fall, I don't see that as failure, I just see it as I have to try again.  Failiure on the other hand debilitates me and does a number on my self-esteem, telling me I'm not good enough to try again.  Both have to do with worthiness.  Am I worthy enough to take another try at something whether I fall OR fail? Letting go of past failures doesn't have to be ongoing.  I CAN just. let. go.  And trust that falling and failing don't have to lead to defeat.  My Jesus will make me victorious, fighting the battles I face FOR me.  Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."  Stillness in the falling and failing.  An attitude of my heart that trusts Him in every situation, knowing that whether I fall or fail or stand or succeed, He is holding me. And everything I know about who my God is will quiet my fears and steady my feet.