A new look at productivity

On a normal day, I am all about "the lists". I am not the type to actually write the lists down, I just have multiple lists that are in my head (on pretty paper, mind you) to which I add project upon project, activity upon activity, asking of myself more than 3 people could accomplish in any given day. The lists are filled with things that I think must be done, things that I want to do, things that won't ever get done and things that I dream about doing. I am essentially a slave to producing visible, quantifiable results. Over the past few days, I have not been able to accomplish any of the things on my typical lists. I haven't done any laundry, haven't cleaned a single toilet, haven't sewn or painted anything, haven't gone anywhere, haven't organized anything, haven't put anything away. However, what I HAVE done has still fulfilled me. I have played a computer game with Michael, I've gotten hugs and kisses from my kids because I was sitting down, I have helped Marky with her math homework, I have listened to many dramatically told stories from Meredith, I have snuggled with Michael and Maddie, I watched a movie with Meredith, I was able to sit and listen to the kids tell about their friends and their teachers. Sadly, these things never make it to the lists in my head. I have realized that I have been selling myself so short on what is truly enjoyable and important. Not that I don't ever do these things, I just never make them priorities. I listen impatiently, I snuggle for just a second, I am always too busy to help with homework, I never sit on the couch and watch a movie with the kids, I am constantly on the go, driven to accomplish necessary but not life giving tasks, all the while missing out on so much. I have been deceived into thinking that I am doing important things, when truly the most important things are being overlooked or done half-way. The truth of the matter is that the other stuff doesn't really matter as much, and it will get done even if I take the time out to just be with my family. Since I have had the misfortune (or fortune!) to have to be still and think about all of this over the past few days, I am determined to make a change. I need to change. Our home and my family deserve the best from me and I haven't been giving them that, even though I have fooled myself into thinking that I do. I'm looking forward to the changes that this foot injury has made me think about. I hope to become a slave to loving and being there for my family rather than a slave to my list. I know that the reward is going to be sweet. I've tasted it over the past few days, and it has been decadent.

Just sitting around

I am on the injured list today. yesterday i was working on a really cool painting project at church, and I wasn't being very careful. I over-extended my reach and fell off of a step ladder. I landed on something very hard and fractured a bone in my heel. I am in pain, and I'm so irritated at myself for being such a clutz. big sigh. i am couch bound for a few days, and I have the use of a pair of crutches as I can't put any weight on my heel. The doctor gave me a splint to wear once all of the swelling goes down. The good news is that if I stay off of it for a few days, this type of fracture will usually heal quickly. No cast is required for that reason too. So for the next few days I am going to be just sitting around, not something I'm used to. Maybe I will enjoy it so much it will become my new way of life! Marky told me that if SHE "got" to just sit around all day she would have so much fun - she would read, do her nails, do a spa... maybe I'll try the spa idea tomorrow!!

In love

I am SO in love with this I want to marry it. Or buy it. Or just look at it for a long, long time.