Thursday, November 11, 2010

She's 12!

Today is one of  "those days" for me as a mom.  Marky's 12th birthday.  She is 12!!!  And now I'm going to sound like one of "those moms" when I say... "Where did the time go??? "  My children's birthday's are always extra special, but there is something really amazing about your first-born celebrating another year of their life.  It is a day filled with nostalgia and memory.  A day where sacrifice, desire and insanity all meet up to remind you that it was the day your life changed forever.  Although there were other people present at Marky's birth, I am the only one who has certain memories.  Memories that were developed under bright lights and sterile cloths; memories that have the scent of clean linens and the sanitized hands of the caring anesthesiologist; memories that were sandwiched between absoulte terror and unimaginaeable excitement.  Memories that have lingered and make that day 12 years ago seem like it happened this morning.  Those are the memories that are uniquely mine.  Embedded into the cells of my soul and the chambers of my heart - ones like my first thought when the doctor first gave me a hint of whether I was decorating with pink or blue.  He said... "Oh , SHE'S peeing."  And my first thought was... Oh! It's a girl!  We are going to have so much fun!"  Flashing before my eyes were all things feminine and girlie, "Anne of Green Gables" and
"Fashion Plates" leading the pink parade of what was to come.  I remember how small she was, and how she smelled so yummy.  I'd never smelled that smell before. It was natural and pure and whole. A scent I woud look forward to 3 more times.  I remember having birthing pains in my body, but being distracted from them because the joy of holding MY daughter and caring for her overwhelmed the pain until it disappeared; a feeling that would soon become familiar as one of the common themes of motherhood.  Becoming a mom on November 11, 1998 changed my priorities, my processes, and my person forever.  Marky was the pioneer for true love in my life.  I had never known love to ache until I became her mom.  I never knew the intensity of being connected to someone so deeply until I became Marky's mom.  I never knew that love could persevere through enormous trials until I became her mom.   I never understood sacrifice and an "I'll do whatever it takes to protect her" attitude until I became her mom.  Every opportunity to hold Marky, hug Marky, love Marky, teach Marky, and enjoy Marky over the last 12 years has molded me into the woman that I am.  She challenges me and amazes me; she is a daughter of God, a disciple of Jesus, a fabulous daughter,  a loyal friend, a fun sister, and a special grand-daughter.  I am so proud of the young girl that she is and the future has no limits for this wise and beautiful girl.  I love you, Marky-moo.

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