Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Her thoughts aren't nice thoughts tonight

Tonight, I am not loving the "mama role". I want someone to step up and take over. But, for better or worse, I AM the Mama!! Tonight I am exhausted, bewildered, frustrated, tired of, lacking energy, and most of all fearful of the future. Can I do this??? Right now, my tired heart is saying no.... I can't teach my firstborn how to choose the right attitude, or my 2nd born to focus and be responsible. My 3rd born is famous for her stubborn, strong will which occasionally causes me to use words I wouldn't normally use; how do I love my only boy and help him with his "once in a while anger" issues. Sigh... it's been one of those days. One of those days that I wonder "Why would ANYONE have kids???" And then I have to remember that I was born, and that my mom and dad were patient enough to wait around for me to grow up (thanks Mom and Dad!) and that now, it's my turn, to give to another human being the gift of unconditional love. So, the reason ANYONE would have kids is this...
- They challenge me to patience and self control
- They give me unconditional love
- They bless with many hugs and kisses
- They haunt me if I do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing
- They are thermometers for me for how much I am surrendering my day to the Lord
- They make me love my own mother more
- They give me purpose in this life
- They give me a reason to say thank you
- They are a part of me

So, even though it's been a long day, I will keep going on , knowing that the "testing of my faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:3-4

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