Today

OHHHH!!! Let me tell you about my day!  So much disappointment, betrayal, anger, frustration, sadness... I could go on and on!!!   Oh -  and so much stress!!  And It's only noon!!

Well, actually.  Now I'm convicted.

Maybe I shouldn't tell you about any of those things. 

Because really, my morning has been all about my reaction to these things.  My perspective on these things.  And I started down the path to negativity and darkness, that familiar ledge where hope disappears from sight.  But then I remembered all that I have been learning about my Jesus and His fierce love for me, His steadfast belief in me, His unchanging character during difficult times.

So instead,  I will share with you the only truth that I know and believe with all of my heart.

Hebrews 13:8
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

God is STILL the same God that I poured out my heart to this morning in a quiet moment with just Him and my coffee.  That quiet moment before any of the other people in my world woke up; before my own stumbles;  before the sin of the world got me down. 

He is always the same and can be relied upon no matter what I'm facing.  Even during the deepest disappointments or hurt, this verse from Hebrews is the TRUTH.  Jesus doesn't ever change based on my circumstances. Therefore, I can stop stressing, stop hurting, stop worrying.  

And so.

I will just do the next right thing. 

Which looks a little bit like laundry. 

Belief

These days, I live my life mostly for my kids.  I serve them, I help them, I motivate them, I instruct them.  Primarily, I love them!  Fundamentally, I believe in them. 

I think that until about the age of 12, kids reciprocate that belief.  There is a small window of time when my kids have thought that I could move mountains.  The truth of my humanity and fallibility as a mom is kept hidden from them for a time, and they mirror my faith in them.  But then,  one day, the curtain is pulled back revealing the truth: That I am imperfect, human, sometimes wrong, other times right.  With this reveal comes the realization that I might not know exactly what I am doing.  

To be fair, none of my kids came with a manual.  There wasn't ever a how-to guide to refer to when I was in certain situations, facing certain challenges.  And so, I  sometimes wing it.  I look to Scripture and books for guidance.  I ask advice of others and pray to the Lord to show me the right decisions to make. 

I hate feeling like I don't know what I'm doing.  I strive to educate myself, to prepare myself.  I observe my kiddos and learn from them.   Often I get it right, but there are also times when I get it wrong; when the situation I'm in is too confusing and too difficult or  the result I want isn't within my reach. 

Tonight, my 10 year old gave me a point in the win column on my Mom score card.   Not only did she believe in me with this note, she trusted that I had the capability of fulfilling what she wanted.    

 

Her note was sincere, and laced with confidence that I could complete this task.  There was no doubt in her mind that I would come through for her.  To know that she believes in me, that I could actually do what she wanted me to, gave me all the motivation that I needed to start working on her necklaces.  (Even though I got the note at 10:30 pm.)

 

It was my joy and my delight to make Meredith's necklaces for her.   

 

 

It truly lifts the spirit when someone believes in you.  It bolsters your self-esteem,  re-energizes your spirit.  It makes you want to take those super hero boots and fill them with your very own feet. 

 

 

  

To live or not to live

I've decided that the opposite of living isn't dying.  Rather, the opposite of living is...  not living.  Simple as that.  And truthfully, there are days when I "don't live".  Days when I choose to sink deeper into a pit of frustration or disappointment.  There are moments that I could choose to see the good and I don't; times when I focus on what's wrong instead of what's right.  After a few days of not living, I'm so sick of myself that I wouldn't want to be around myself if I wasn't me!  HA!  And so, I do an about face and head in the opposite direction of not living, and I head right for living.

Did you know its a choice?  Every. Single. Time.  I choose it, it never chooses me.  Nobody clears the schedule of turmoil and frustration and presents me with a perfect day for living.  Nope.  I have to get knee deep in the training and instruction of my children, the disappointments in myself and others, the limitations of time, money. and energy.  And I have to choose.  Some days, choosing to live has to be faked at first.  Because, let's be honest.  It's not always easy to make this choice. So I ACT like I want to LIVE and do you know what eventually happens? After about 10 minutes, the role I'm playing loses it's fake-ness , and instead turns into a part that feels familiar and good.

It's peculiar to me. all of this pretending.  And what do I ever gain from it?  The answer is nothing. Nothing but more not living.  That's not beneficial for any of us.   I just want to have real conversations with real people about real things.  I want to cry when life hurts and laugh when it doesn't.   I want to try to face hard things even when I feel like faking it.  I want to share rather than keep quiet.  I want to to ask for help and support when I'm in need.

When you choose to live, you choose to feel pain, you risk bruising and bleeding.  But that's what bandages are for.  The bandages of good friends, making memories, laughter, sharing great food, joining together in joy-filled family activities.  All of these things will help to bind up any wounds that living causes.  And I would exchange all of these for one moment spent not living.  Wouldn't you?