Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I do it to myself.  Sometimes, I let comparison and self-doubt interfere with great things that I want to do.  "Why don't we have "this friend" over?", asks my sweet son.  It's his friend.  Why wouldn't we have our friends over?  How can I reveal my insecurities about the size of my house, the shame over my laminate counters, my disappointment in the condition of my floors to my innocent son.  HE doesn't care about any of these things - Why do I?  I wish that I had even a tiny amount of his innocence.  He hasn't been lied to by the magazines, by Pinterest, by himself.  For him, all that matters is that he adores his friend and that his friend adores him right back.  I wish that adoration was all that mattered to me.  I don't want to care about my floors or my counter tops.  I want to care about people.  I want to absorb myself in relationships rather than focusing on the silly external stuff.  This year, I'm going to have people in my home, remembering that it is our family and our love that makes these four walls what it is.  I want to put aside my insecurities and my concerns that I'm not good enough. I hope that this year will be full of relationships and our home will be full of love and the laughter of friends.

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