Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Its been a busy September.  One thing after another, life moving at the speed of gale force winds.  Most of it is necessary, some of it happens out of habit.  The truth is, it feels like some days go by slow and others speed by.  I am finding that in either scenario, the best plan for me is to be armed with creativity, wisdom and patience.  These are the 3 keywords that I have adopted over the past few weeks.  The only place that I can find these attributes is in praying desperately and truthfully all day long.  Grace is the oil that makes the wheels of life turn in the midst of disappointments, sadness,  or hurt.  Grace is also the oil of gladness that lightens a load with answered prayers and peace that passes all understanding when chaos seems to be around the corner.  Being the mom of my four sweet kiddos is the most challenging, most exhausting, most thrilling job that I have ever had.  In the last couple of weeks I have cried with my teen daughter over a broken heart and then been yelled at because I don't understand.  I have borne the weight of another daughters' anxiety and fears of the dark.  I have counseled my girls in the ways of love, boys, grades, self-esteem and conflict with authority.  I have talked to my son about good sportsmanlike behavior when we lose, all the while bearing the weight of his extreme sadness in losing.  I feel as if I deserve a few initials behind my name for all of the "professional" aspects this role of "MOM" entails.  And the truth is that many days I feel very unqualified, even though in my heart I know that I love my family more than life itself.  I would give, and DO give everything for them, however there are times when I feel like I am unsure and unwise and shaky.  And so I pick up the phone,  I send a quick text, reaching out to someone older, wiser, further along in the journey to assure me that I'm doing okay, to encourage me that it MATTERS and to tell me that MOST days, OK makes the grade!!  Medicine to my mother soul!!  OK is good enough!!!  I don't have to be perfect or try harder, two grades that I've been working most of my life to achieve straight A's in.  But in mothering (and daughter-ing to be truthful), we have to measure success by the smiles and hugs that we can give at the end of the day.  The "i still love yous and I'm the head of your fan club" proclamations before the sun sets.  Short accounts and even longer "I'm sorry, lets try that agains".  And, as Anne of Green Gables says, I must always remember that "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet."  


No comments:

Post a Comment