November ramblings - Try to keep up!

We are half-way through our November.  The days of late have been freezing cold with a wind that ignores your coat and makes its way straight down the front of your shirt, chilling you to the absolute bone.  I am not a fan of wind.  "I am not a fan" is Meredith's newest phrase to describe things that she doesn't like.  I guess she actually listened when I corrected her whenever she said "I hate...", so she came up with this alternative.  It's kind of funny when she says it.  I have had an aching neck that has slowed me down the last couple of days.  The pain has been intense and has forced me to take it a little easier rather than running around with both barrels loaded.  I've had a hot rice pack hanging around my neck everywhere I've gone the last few days and just so you know, you can't move very fast with one of those clinging to you.  I'm not exactly sure where I picked up this painful crick, but I'm feeling more sympathetic to people who carry constant pain around with them.  I am NOT a fan of it.  We celebrated our sweet Marky's birthday.  Thirteen and wonderful.  Thirteen and not-so-wonderful.  This is how our days go.  Up, down, back, forth.  The ride is intensely rewarding and challenging all in the same.  Every once in a while, I feel like I'm on Space Mountain... spinning in the dark.  I take one turn at a time, praying like crazy that I don't fall out of my seat, hating that I can't see what is around the next corner.  If I could see, if would probably scare the hell out of me and I would JUMP, so I close my eyes and hope, and trust, and try not to take anything too seriously.  I am not good at that.  I tend to take EVERY thing too seriously.  I care WAY too much about WAY too many things.  Can you say Control Issues????  After  sabotaging 3 cameras over the last 2 years, and being without one for the past few months (have you noticed the lack of pictures on the blog?), we purchased a REAL camera.  Now I just have to take a class to learn how to use it.  I'm really excited about what this piece of equipment can do, but man - it's not a point and shoot that's for sure!!  Thanksgiving is next week.  We have family coming from Portland to visit us over the next week and then we will go out of town to visit other family.  Having to being more still the last few days has caused me to look around.  To listen to the sounds around the house, to soak up the hugs and compassion that my kiddos have offered to their hurting mama, to appreciate all that I have been blessed with.  I'm grateful, so grateful. 

Time

I walk around my favorite store, on a typical search for treasure.  I finger a pretty sweater and enjoy its autumnal shade of orange.  I leave it neatly folded on the table, knowing with certainty that even though it is lovely, it is not what I'm looking for.  I continue to meander, gazing at trinkets and baubles.  I am a faithful lover of anything vintage, an ardent swooner over anything boasting chipped paint.  My home and closet don't have many empty spaces in them.  I only buy what I absolutely love, what jumps out and speaks to me.  Today the merchandise is quiet.   What I am shopping for isn't there.  I walk past an old table, snubbing a charming necklace, ignoring a pretty green vase, barely appreciating the thread-bared edges of a tablecloth I'm sure would look lovely with my fall centerpiece.  I see treasures from the past that  beg to share their stories.  Today I am too distracted to listen.  The alarm on my cell phone rings, reminding me of the present.  Daily responsibilities that have never gone unfulfilled.  Places I must be for little people that depend on me. I leave the store, promising to come back when I am more attentive.  I am confused by my empty arms, because typically, I leave with a treasure.  A purchase not based on price, but about value and personal taste. Today, whatever I was searching for was not to be found.

Four days later, I recall that shopping experience.  At the end of a day of to-do's and to-be's, I have one final task.  I need to change all of our clocks.  It is "DayLight Savings", and there is no choice but to comply with the directive to set the clock back one hour. An extra hour... a gift. After I finished up with resetting the microwave (I never remember how to do it!) I settle onto my bed with my book.   I read for a few minutes, and as I lounge,  a pleasant feeling covers me.  It is a  blanket of peace, the scent of contentment hanging in the air around me.  I think to myself "This is IT! This is what I was looking for on my shopping trip! "  TIME.  Minutes that are not completely filled with things that need attention or energy.  Sometimes my heart is searching for something that cannot  be purchased at my favorite store.  What I was really needing that afternoon while I was wandering around was some TIME!!  I was so grateful to drink in that extra 60 minutes last night, knowing that although most of the USA was participating in daylight savings time right along with me, it felt more like a personal gift with MY name on the box. 

Today is a windy, fall day.  The leaves are falling onto grass that is still green, thanks to our Indian summer.  Earlier this morning, we had rain.  It wasn't cold, but it was wet.  And it was nice to be a little cooler.  I, who loves summer more than anything in the world, might just be ready for the weather to turn cooler.  To back up this declaration, I put flannel sheets on our bed this morning.  You won't be able to accuse me of having favorites!!!  However, I might just need to go try out one of those spray tans as every speckle of color left over from our summer has disappeared from this body.  

 I've been savoring pictures lately.   Last weekend, we took a trip to my mom and dad's house for our annual family photo session.  All family members were excited to make the journey east and actually were "up" for taking pictures.  Everyone obliged me in the outfit I picked out for them, and with happy smiley (mostly!) faces, we documented another special time together.  My dad is so wonderful to do this for us, and I love all of the pictures that he took.

For the past week, I have soaking up each photographed moment, memorizing the look of my kids at their present ages.  The pictures tell a story, of a family put together over time, glued together by hope, touched up with love and making it through each day by faith.  Faith that WE were meant to be. Believing that every bit of every one of us matters.  That our pieces and parts, genuine and imperfect, make the whole package of a family.  Our family.   A package of 6 people wrapped up together; un-returnable and non-exchangeable.  We are committed to finding out what's best in each of us, and putting up with what is worst.  I look into the eyes of the people I love in these pictures and gratitude surges through my heart.  Gratitude that extends  far beyond the minor annoyances and hurts that inevitably swirl around being in relationships. I am thankful that I get to be the mom and the wife.

 As late-October approaches, we are gearing up for the busiest season of our family.  Opportunities to make memories and laugh together.  Events over-crowd the schedule horizon, weekends are marked up on the calendar from here until after New Years.  I long to be present, aware of each moment that comes my way.  I want to embrace both the challenges and the celebrations.  The package it all adds up to be is the greatest gift of my life.  Our home and our family - so grateful.