Real

I'm getting ready to go to my counselor's office and sit with her and ask her to help me.  She does.  She guides me, she listens, she advises.  I go through spurts with the counselor. 

 I spend months away from the office, working life out, holding on to the rope, some days even swinging happily form the rope. 

 

And then there is the day when the rope frays. 

Frays to the point that there is nothing left to hold on to. 

So I call and make an appointment and I go back. 

I talk with the counselor because life is hard, and I need help. 

I ask for her wisdom and for some clarity. 

I listen to her because sometimes the darkness in my life covers the light. 

I spill out frustrations and  complaints and beg her to help me see a situation from a different perspective. 

And she does. 

 

She tells me what every mom needs to hear  - "You're going to make it". 

She tells me what every wife needs to hear - "You're going to make it". 

She tells me what every woman needs to hear - "You're normal". 

She lets me know that I'm off the hook to be perfect in ANY way. 

And together we start braiding the rope back together.  We take the threads of self doubt and fear, cross them over the strength of The Father, wind them back through the truth of Scripture, and I leave feeling less burdened and more confident for the life I've been given. 

 

My new favorite verse is Micah 7:8

 

"Though I fall, I will rise.  Though I sit in darkness, God will be my light."

 

I am IN LOVE with this verse. 

 

It spells out the truth that there will be falls, and there will be darkness. 

But it reminds me that I don't have to stay there.  I will rise, and God will be my light.

No darkness can shut out His light. 

 

   

Hello Mom,

That’s what you always wanted to be when you grew up, isn’t it?  You wanted some little person to call you “mommy, mama, mom”, whichever suited them.   It was about 16 years ago that you were chosen to become Mom for the first time.  Remember the excitement?  The anticipation?  Wearing maternity clothes and reveling in the glow of a healthy pregnancy, you couldn’t wait for the arrival of your first child.  You didn’t know if this little darling was going to be a boy or a girl and you couldn’t have cared either way because you were so full of joy!!  Do you remember the first time that the doctor told you that the baby might not turn head down, so you might have to have a C-section?  I’m sure that you wish that you would have listened more carefully when they explained all about that during your childbirth classes.  It was certainly surprising that for you that you were going to require surgery and recovery in order to give birth to this precious bundle.  Did it ever cross your mind that this was the first of many, many, many unexpected and painful moments of parenting?  Were you ever quiet enough to hear the whispers? That even though you wouldn’t go into labor, the work was going to be hard; so hard and yet so rewarding; That the intensity of the pain you would feel for years to come, pain that was both joyous and heartbreaking, wouldn’t ever be easier to numb than it was going to be that first moment when they got that IV going for your spinal block.  You wouldn’t ever get back the right to request for someone to numb the pain; to only allow you to really feel the good stuff.  I know that you wouldn’t have had it any other way. Having babies teaches us that inside us we have the ability to forget about the pain and move straight to the joyful experiences.  That along with birthing a baby, you also birth a new self.  A self that sacrifices for another without question.  A self that give and gives and gives.  This new self can only emerge attached to this tiny human who looks at you with brand new eyes, trusting you and relying on you for their every need.  Throughout the Years, you will feel the familiar pain that accompanies this birth of your new self as you make your way through first steps, first words, first owies, first successes, first performance, first heartbreak,  first driving lesson.  You will feel the need to ask for something to numb the pain when your child is mistreated or approached unfairly.  You will raise the white flag of fatigue when you have chosen to forego yet another argument.  You might feel failure when you engage with your child without a positive outcome.  You will embrace the intense happiness that stirs within your Mothers heart when your little one sings her first solo or gives her first speech.   You will celebrate all of the wonder and endure all of the defeat.  This.  This is MotherHood.  It will be your covering, your protection.  You will wear this hood with pride, with joy and then there will be times that you will want to take it off.  There may even be a time that You will try to find a place to hide your hood.  Don’t be alarmed by that, and please don’t allow any shame to creep into your heart.  As all things go, there may be times of darkness in order for the light to be present.  There must be times of hardship so that we can experience the times of joy.  You will protect those that are under our hood in ways that you will not understand or expect.  Your sword will be more convenient then you could have imagined, and will cut the enemy of those who are under your hood.  Your mother-anger might surprise you, and will be expressed both on behalf of your child as well as to your child.  It will be challenging to keep the “Big Picture” in the frame of visibility.  The“Big Picture” being that the ultimate goal to MotherHood is to raise and teach your children to become adults.   There will be moments where you want to overprotect and keep your kids too close to you.  It will be hard to find a balance because this is where your heart and your mind will begin to conflict. Find great books to assist you, read great blogs, involve yourself in a Mother's group, cultivate good friendships with other like-minded Mamas.  Most importantly of all,  it will benefit you to pray.  And then pray some more.  And then maybe even some more.  Asking for wisdom and help and peace from Your Father will be your lifeline.  He will help you make it through the hard times.  He will give you breath when you feel like you can't breathe.  He will bless you with ALL kinds of blessings in your MotherHood.   There might be times that you even need to ask for HIS Love to be your love, because the frustrations and stresses of parenting can crowd out your own Love.  Don’t be alarmed by this – it won’t last long.  It’s just a temporary sign that you need a break.  So take one.  Take a day for yourself.  Read, knit, shop, sleep.  Or get alone with the hubs.  Have a date and don’t rehash every parenting decision that you’ve made over the week.  Instead, talk about YOURselves, or your next trip or holiday.  Taking a break from the hood gives you the energy to get back into the game.  What a wonderful decision it is to become a mama.  May you celebrate every wonderful moment, may you persevere every challenging moment and may the end result be that YOU are forever changed and forever marked by this amazing experience called MotherHood. 

 

Folders and Lunches and Schedules - OH MY!!!

Every elementary school teacher has a different  better way of having parents keep track of reading and math.  They ALL think that they have the perfect method to this MADNESS!!!  And they will change their method based on their latest Pinterest findings.  It is the BRIGHT side of middle school and High school that there are NO planners to sign.  I appreciate our teachers so much but sometimes they forgot that families have much better things to do than keep track of how many days mom has NOT signed the planner.  Oh well = as long as nobody minds the batch method (signing many days at a time!!) I'm all in.

School has gotten under way here and the kids have happily immersed themselves in their respective grades - 3rd, 5th, 8th and 10th.  Two of the kiddos are finishing out their years at the school that they now attend.  Next year will be a transition year for one into middle school and for another into high school.  I keep dreaming that the stress and busyness will taper off.  It won't.  I know that is the truth, but  a mama can still dream, can't she? The kids are all involved in rewarding activities, and I am grateful for all that they are learning and doing.  Three of them pack their own lunches now - Can I get an AMEN!!!???

 These are special years - I'm told this and I acknowledge it.  These ARE special years.  Ones that I cherish.  Ones that wear me out.  Ones that fill me up.  It is the dichotomy of childhood = Making sure that nobody is bored and lazy, keeping them involved in activities that challenge and teach them character and responsibility, supplying them with opportunities that will make the most use of their talents and gifts. All the while maintaining your sanity as a parent  = keeping track of which leg of the carpool on which day I am responsible for.  Washing the appropriate game day/practice day socks.  Is it the blue shorts or the black shorts that he needs for practice?  Is today a tennis practice or a tennis match, because those are at different locations.  Dance requires black leggings for hip hop as well as pink tights and blue leotard for ballet.  And heaven help us if we forget a water bottle, snack or sunscreen.  The last of which I did this past weekend.  We have spent the past few days with rosy cheeks and sunburned shoulders because MOM forgot the sunscreen.  Honestly, after packing a cooler full of food and 2 soccer bags, I plum never even thought of it.  Never crossed my mind that the sun wouldn't be our friend.  For days now, we will have Rudolph noses and guess what... The thing that I hold onto for DEAR LIFE - WE WILL SURVIVE!!!  Nobody will die from lack of sunscreen, or the wrong color socks.  If we happen to show up a moment late to practice, nobody will suspend my dance/soccer/tennis mom trophy.  (Oh wait... I don't have a trophy!!  That's a shame...) In the midst of all of this, our full schedule and CRAZY days, I am trying to keep some perspective and hang on to joy.  And when I see smiles and skills and enjoyment of their sport/art it makes every bit of the driving and packing and remembering absolutely worth it!!