Life

I decided today that I am in love with my life.  

It was a good decision, prompted by the events of some great things, some challenging things, some bad things, but mostly prompted by the ordinary preciousness of our life.  

Like... my favorite place to be... on our bed with one, two, three or four children cuddling, 

talking or just being with me.  

Like... my happiest moment of the week so far was being out in the garden Michael, cutting flowers that we had grown to bundle in a bouquet of prettiness for someone whom we love so much.

Like... our very un-fancy, ordinary lunch eaten on our well-used green plaid blanket in the shade of our backyard trees becomes our favorite meal ever eaten. 

Like... adding some nice music to the mundane dish-washer unloading and loading process 

turns the chore into something more bearable.  

Since celebrating our anniversary over the weekend, I have been wrapped in the comfort of this thought.  Patrick is here to stay.  He's just not going anywhere.  Because of past abandonment, I have had some issues with security in our relationship.  It's not something that "gets me" very often, but every once in a while my fears and insecurities try to crowd out the joy that I'm feeling and attempt to be the emotion "on top".  Not this time. I'm fighting back!   What is most comforting about resting in Patrick's love is the fact that he could leave.  He could run.  He could bail. And yet he doesn't.   He stays.  Because of who he is, because he said he would, because of what we are, because of the very common, (yet very beautifully decorated), nest of little birdies that reside in every nook and cranny of our beings.  As I continue to trust God with our marriage, rather than give in to my fears, I can see a future crafted by the threads of commitment and trust, secure with knots of integrity and unconditional love.  

It has given me a soft place to land these last few days. 

   

Sometimes, I ask the Lord, "Am I doing enough for You?"  " Is there something I'm missing?" "Is there some great big plan that I'm supposed to be apart of?"  

Because, really I don't want to miss anything.  I want to live in step with whatever God's will and plan is for me.  I want to do it..um... well... right!  I want to do it right! Not perfect, just right.   

And today I have felt God's peace over my spirit telling me that THIS is the big plan.  

THIS is what is right. 

Here.  No place fancy, no place exotic, no place far away. Just here
in the humbleness and simplicity of
what
He has blessed me with.  

 The everyday, the good and bad stuff, the easy and hard stuff.  In our ordinary and imperfect lives, in our common home, with the hours that don't differ much from the day before - this is my destination, for now.  God is telling me that this is His "now"plan for me, to be here in my home loving our kids and my sweet husband.  I am convinced more than ever that I am to make the minutes of our days as special as I can for my family and friends and 

THIS is what doing
it right means.