BirthDay Month

I just finished celebrating my birthday which was towards the beginning of the month.  I've had friends shower me with flowers and cards and posts and texts and messages for nearly 3 weeks.  The group of friends (I include my sisters and mom in this group) that are in my life are not only wide, but they are deep and kind and relentless in their celebratory demonstrations.  Every time someone would bring flowers by my house, or send a note, or give me a birthday hug I was overwhelmed once again by the knowledge that my people "have me".  These are friends who are so strong and so wise.  They have suffered and endured, coming through their fires more beautiful and capable than when they first smelled the smoke.

One of my friends wrote me a blessing - words that are so meaningful that the card will go in a very special place where I can be reminded often of her heart towards me.  Another friend both honored and humored me with a tribute related to a favorite TV of mine that I encouraged her to watch.  The creativity and true wishes that she conveyed in her writing touched me so deeply. My little sister, skilled in embroidery, made me a picture of a house in a garden.  It now hangs on the wall of my office as a reminder of a few of my favorite things - my sister, my home, my garden.  My older sister gave me the most beautiful set of bracelets and a tank top with my favorite verse on it, acknowledging a new faith step I'm taking in my yoga practice.  My mom blessed me with the gift of a massage  - as I lay there relaxing I was struck with the absolute perfection of her gift to me.  This year has been one of the most stress-filled 365 days, and my sweet mom understood exactly what I needed.

Two girlfriends blessed me with gifts that fit my love for vintage/retro treasures.  Friends took me out for drinks, pizza, mexican food and other deliciousness.  I had a group of friends over to celebrate in my garden enjoying both God's gift of friendship and a beautiful summer night.  Patrick and I attended a concert with some friends.  That night will be a forever memory of us enjoying one of our favorite singers under a perfect, starlit June sky. 

 I've heard friendship described in many different ways, but the concept that makes the most sense to me is that of friendship as a net.  It is widespread and taut, ready to catch me at any moment.  This net is ever present, moving beneath me.  The women who make up this net are faithful, available, and they know me.  I can text or call them and they will answer, they will pray, they will advise, they will cry, they will catch.  They are friends who aren't just in proximity, but they are very present.  And I need them desperately.  I need their hugs and their prayers and their advice and their wisdom.  I love their creativity and watching them grow.  The truth is we need each other!

As I have been celebrated for nearly a month now, I have had the chance to take a look at the ways that I am a friend.  I have great examples of how to show up for people, and I have been  inspired to be a better friend, to love more deeply and sincerely.  I am most grateful to God that He chose me to sit in the middle of this chosen net of friends.  He has shown me over and over that He wants me right there, so that I can be blessed by the people He has given to me. 

Remembering

By definition, Memorial Day is a day set aside to express thanks to those who have served and to offer condolences for those who have been lost or have died.  It is a day for remembering, celebrating, and commemorating.   Celebrating freedoms that have been won, remembering times of trouble where freedom was lost, and commemorating the people who have sacrificed so that we can have those freedoms.  As Americans, we have so many privileges and rights and pleasures that have resulted from those who have gone before us, paving the road to those very ends.  I confess that I often take for granted the comfortable American life that I live, not paying enough attention or giving enough credit to the people who have made this comfort a possibility.

 Hanging in my dining room there are 2 pictures; one is a picture of my grandpa in his army uniform, the other is  a picture of my grandpa in the same uniform accompanied by my grandma in a stylishly matching hat and jacket.  My grandpa handed down values of working hard, family loyalty, saving for the future, telling stories so the past was not forgotten.  What strikes me about the picture of my grandparents together is that my grandmother was not as praised for her contribution to "war time" because she wasn't directly signed up.  But I bet you she worked just as hard and long and well as my grandpa.  I remember her being so sweet and kind; always offering a hug and cooking something yummy to eat.  She loved to read, garden, and set up knick-knacks around her house... Wait... that sounds like me!  I love to read, I love to garden... and well... knick-knacks moset certainly do line the shelves around my house.  While my Grandpa influenced the broader scope of freedom that is in my life because of his military service, I feel like I have my Grandmother to thank for the individual influence that was handed down.  She was always one to have beauty around her.  She decorated her home with pillows on the couch and pretty dishes in the cupboard.  My grandma loved to write letters and always had a steno-pad on her desk with a letter that she was just about to start or an envelope  just sealed with a flag stamp in the right hand corner, ready to be mailed off to whomever she was corresponding with.  Grandma was soft spoken until her favorite football team was on the tv, or if you made the grave mistake of touching her propped up feet while she watched Wheel of Fortune.  I also remember how Grandma paid attention to the people that were in her house.  She would look you in the eye and just sit on the couch and enjoy sitting with you.  I never knew if my grandma had money but I remember that she made others feel rich just from being with her.  She always had perfectly folded sheets that she would get out to put on the sofa-beds when we got there; the pretty pile of linens always made me feel so at home.  Two of my favorite memories are sitting on the porch with my grandparents on a hot summer night, enjoying silly stories told by my grandpa and wanting to stay and feel the loving presence of my grandma for just 5 more minutes.   My love of an outdoor space to put up my feet  and spend time with those I love was most assuredly been handed down from my grandma.  Cute vintage outdoor chairs, Creamy Italian salad dressing, peonies, the smell of a delicious roast, and mismatched floral plates are all parts of my memory that connect me to my grandma.
 
Being like my grandma is a life-long pursuit of mine.  Her gentle nature while at home, her hospitable ways, and her peaceful presence will be what I choose to remember, celebrate and commemorate today.  While the holiday Memorial Day typically focuses on heroes of war, I will be in touch with my memorial to my grandma, one of my personal heroes,  today.   She raised a family of 4 kids plus my grandpa, she kept a tidy and beautiful home, she went to church, she made people feel loved, she took personal pride in things around her that she loved... such a beautiful life! Thank you, Grandma.  I honor and remember the life that you lived, and desire to continue your legacy as the years continue to pass.  My grandparents were my absolute favorite people on earth while they were here ( and I like to think that I was one of theirs as well!!) I miss them all the time, and if  I could have an evening sitting on the porch with them, in their gliding chairs,  it would be the most delightful thing.  Because they have passed on, I will just remember, and be thankful for all that is in me that was handed down by them.

quiet

When a writer doesn't post a blog post for 9 months, you might suspect that they have quit writing altogether. In my case, that is partially true.  I quit publishing any written material but I haven't stopped writing.  The first few months of no blog activity was purely from being too busy.  However,   about 4 months ago, a quiet covering came over me;  A stillness and a message from the Lord - "Be quiet".  I  put words back into the Lord's mouth and thought... "oh yeah... Be still and know.. yada yada yada... And then I heard Him more clearly... "Nope that's not what I meant.  I meant BE QUIET".

This is not in my nature.  I'm a talker, I'm a verbal processor.  Being quiet, keeping quiet , STAYING QUIET is not what I'm good at.  But, I really felt like for the time it was what I was supposed to do.  Thus,  I have been practicing quiet.  The truth is, as hard as it was for me, there have been times when it has been a relief not to feel like I had to offer my opinion or my judgement or my thoughts.  I've still had them and I've written them down in my journal for my own personal processing, but its been for the Lord's and my eyes only.  It's been good for me, and now I sense I'm being released to write publicly again. 

When I named my blog "The Mama's Thoughts", my plan was to pour out my thoughts about every activity and exciting thing that was going on in our home and with the kids.  Looking back, I realize that this plan was naive and slightly silly.  It was the plan of someone who's rose colored glasses hadn't been fogged up by her own tears or cracked and smudged by blows to the face.  Who cares about a fun activity when your Mama heart is breaking?  Who even wants to read or write about the trivial events, when you can't sleep, can't hope, can't breathe?

What I do know for sure about the blog is this... I want to write.  I love to write.  I need a space to jot down my thoughts about the trivial events as well as the heartbreaks.  While honoring the privacy of my kids and family, I still want to express my thoughts through words.  It is where I find clarity.  It is where I find focus.

 "The Mama's Thoughts" might change every so slightly.  Maybe it won't even be noticeable?  But hopefully my writing will reflect more of what the Lord is teaching me through both the challenging  times and the fun times. 

Thanks for reading.